Farewell to a Friend

Pink Think: "If you want a stable friendship, get a horse."

Wixie in her younger days, with Sabrina

In a few weeks, my family and I will be moving to a new home on six acres of horse property, ready to live our cowboy dream. It's been a long process in the making. About seven years, since my oldest daughter was nine and first got bitten by the horse bug.

That was the beginning for us of horse ownership, with a truculent and spirited, but inherently sweet, gray flea-bitten mare named Wixie.

But this progress is bittersweet. Because our dearest Wixie passed away last Friday.

***
When my daughter turned eight and horse-crazy (thanks to the movie Spirit), she asked to have a horseback-riding party, which led to her borrowing a horse for 4-H from the horse owner. But we soon discovered that borrowing a horse had its challenges, especially when it's shared by two kids competing in different events.

Still, it was great to learn about horse ownership and making sure our daughter was going to stick to this new hobby before getting a horse for our own. A year later, we decided we were ready to make the leap.

***
My husband was out of town when we looked at Wixie for the first time. It was the middle of the day and her seller was in her jammies, apologizing that she wasn't feeling good. So she sent us to the pen outside to look at the gray mare she'd advertised.

I didn't know what I was looking for, exactly. But I liked what the seller told me: Wixie was 19 and green-broke, had been in horse shows and parades. Bomb-proof, a perfect beginner's horse. She was a pretty dapple gray and seemed alert and healthy.

The next time I visited with my daughter, the husband was home. He put Wixie through a few maneuvers, convincing us that she would be a great horse. I put the girls on her back. She walked sedately like she was supposed to.

And then we took her home.

***
Oh, sure, she was a great horse. When she didn't buck, prance nervously, dance around while being tacked up, and generally act up like most mares (we belatedly learned) acted. One day, it got so bad I groused to my husband, "I sure hope Sierra doesn't get that free horse!" (Sierra had applied to "win" a free horse donated to the local 4-H Club.) "Guess what?" my husband said, smiling. (She did.)

But as we got to know more about being horsepeople, Wixie relaxed, too. It helped that our oldest daughter was a good fit for Wixie's fiery personality. When Wixie acted up, Sierra stayed calm. And sometimes Wixie shone like the mature horse she was. Wixie wasn't the best at halter or speed, but they managed to win a few ribbons.

Then our youngest inherited Wixie. By then, we had three horses, one for each kid.

***
They were not a good match. Sabrina did her best, and Wixie sometimes minded. But when the horse was bad, she was very bad. We got her another horse, which became her brother's so she could have his calmer horse. Along the way, we acquired another horse, too hot for Sabrina, so she ended up being my husband's.

By default, Wixie became my horse.

***
She began losing weight a couple of months ago. She usually did every winter, but this time she looked really bad. The vet said she might have cancer, and that we should prepare to say goodbye to her soon.

I hadn't ridden her in a while this winter - I'm a fair weather rider - and by the time she got really sick, I for sure couldn't then. All I could do was to feed her grain and keep her comfortable until the inevitable goodbye. Sometimes, I would lean in and inhale her scent, feeling her warmth against my cheek, and gaze into her soft brown eyes.

The afternoon my veterinarian husband was going to euthanize her, she lay down in the pen and never got up.  Some friends of ours kindly helped take her to our new place to bury her towards the back of our lot.

As we stood there waiting for a few more scoops of dirt taken out of her grave, I looked around at the unobstructed view of mountains, the back of our new house, the acres and acres of land that would be home for us soon.

Sadness washed over me. I wished Wixie could have come with us, moved with us. Instead, here she was getting buried in the ground. And yet...

I couldn't help but be glad that we had those good years with her. That she schooled us when we needed a horse to teach us, during her best moments. And even during the bad.

I remembered the times she carried me on her back during trail rides. How she snuffled happily with her head down low. How I learned to gallop on her. How she liked taking treats from my hand and whinnied at my approach.

And now she was part of our new land, our new home. It couldn't have been a more fitting end, a better tribute, to a wonderful friend.

Slow down

Pink Think: "Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast -- you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." - Eddie Cantor

Image from seton.com

I am writing this post as penance. An epiphany. A second chance.

Life had been going good lately. No; more than good. Fabulous!

This March has been a terribly busy, but productive month. A community event I was doing advertising for was wrapping up, and I was happy to focus back on my business, which was picking up. In fact, this past Friday, I was on my way to meeting a potential client.

My freshman son was going to get to play on Varsity, and I'd found an Under Armor shirt for him on sale. I decided to squeeze time to drive home ten minutes away, deliver his shirt, then drive back ten minutes to Tooele, and meet with the client.

After getting my son his shirt, I put my foot on that gas pedal. I was going to make it to my meeting. So bent was I on speeding to my appointment, I didn't notice the police lights until I was already cruising down the highway.

I pulled over and waited, feeling chills rack my body.

Not a speeding ticket, please. Not another speeding ticket.

I held out my driver's license as the officer came to my window. "Hello," I told her, filled with relief. She looked like she was maybe a mom like me. Maybe she'd understand.

She told me how fast I was going by the school. "You were haulin'," she said with a concerned smile. "Are you in a hurry, or something?"

I admitted yes, I was. I began a litany of where I needed to be when, but my words sounded lame to my ears, because of what she said afterwards, as she started to write me up a citation: "I was worried because kids were out for lunch."

I began to cry. Not just because I was embarrassed to be pulled over along a highway very visible to my neighbors. Not just because of what this new ticket meant in terms of my wallet or my insurance. Not just because, in speeding to my appointment, I was going to be even more late.

I cried because I felt like it was a well-deserved wake up call. If someone had been speeding by my kid's school, and hit my kid because they were so hell-bent on making an appointment in an over-scheduled day...

The thought shook me up.

When I got home, I confessed to my kids (two of whom are teen drivers): "I got a speeding ticket and I'm not proud of it." I told them that I was not a good example. That nothing was worth speeding and breaking the law.

***
Speeding is a hard habit to break. Just 9 mph over. That used to be my mantra. I've been trying to be good on the road, since. I put my truck on cruise control and allow myself extra time to get places. I look around and pay attention.

I want to be like some people who take the day easy. They still work hard, but they're not running to the next appointment. They're not trying to glamourize busy-ness. They're not addicted to this sense that if they stop moving, the world will come crashing down. (Truth is, it won't.)

Slow down. Wise words to live by.

Guest Blog Post by bestselling author David Farland

Pink Think: "Good writers don’t rely on inspiration. They don’t use 'talent' as a crutch. They don’t need luck. Instead, they develop skills."

I'm excited to host David Farland as our guest blogger! He is an award-winning, New York Times Bestselling Author with over 50 novels in print. He has won the Philip K. Dick Memorial Special Award for "Best Novel in the English Language" for his science fiction novel On My Way to Paradise, the Whitney Award for "Best Novel of the Year" for his historical novel In the Company of Angels, and the International Book Award for "Best Young Adult Novel of the Year" for his fantasy thriller Nightingale—among many  others.

Recently Dave released a book geared toward writing titled Million Dollar Outlines. In it he discusses how to write a novel or screenplay that has a wide readership, giving it the potential to become a bestseller.

Some of his past writing students that have gone on to success include #1 New York Times Bestsellers such as Brandon Mull (Fablehaven), Brandon Sanderson (Wheel of Time), James Dashner (The Maze Runner) and Stephenie Meyer (Twilight).

Along with providing writers with outline and audience analysis methods, Dave also offers 28 “plotting tools” in Million Dollar Outlines. A plotting tool is basically a technique that can make your story more exciting, interesting, satisfying, or complete.

Today, Dave is going to share one with us:

Crucibles

When we talk about writing, there are three kinds of crucibles—crucibles of setting, relationship, or condition. We’ll talk about those in a moment, but first we need to define, “What is a crucible?”

In metal-smithing, a crucible is a container used to hold metal or liquid as it boils. For example, to melt gold, one takes a heavy bowl made from steel and sets it in a fire. The steel, which can withstand higher temperatures than gold, doesn’t melt. But the small container quickly becomes super-heated, so that the gold liquefies in moments.

In fiction, a crucible is any setting, condition, or relationship that keeps characters (such as a protagonist and an antagonist) from splitting apart.

By forcing these characters to remain together, we may sometimes create an almost intolerable atmosphere. It allows us to super-charge the relationships, raise the heat.

For example, imagine that John and Mary have been married for years, but have grown apart. They decide that they don’t love each other anymore. The logical thing for them to do would be to divorce and split up, right?

But there’s no story in that! The characters could easily resolve the situation by leaving—so as a writer you need them to stay together.

So imagine that John and Mary have grown apart, but both love their six-month-old daughter. Neither is willing to end the relationship so long as they risk losing the child. Now you have a crucible, a binding force that keeps the two together.

But there are different kinds of crucibles. Maybe it is a child. But maybe you could do the same by putting them both in a car and having them get stuck in a snowstorm. The car is a different kind of container from the relationship, but both work to keep the couple together.

So here are the three different types of crucibles.

Crucibles of Setting

A setting may act as a crucible. You’ve all seen comedies where several people are stuck in a cabin in a snowstorm, and each of them is at the other’s throat. You will also quickly remember the movie “Snakes on a Plane,” even if you’ve never seen it. A crucible of setting might be a story set in your characters’ workplace, on a ship, or in a small town. The important point is to keep the characters together as much as possible, and to let personalities rub against one another until their tempers boil.

Crucibles of Relationship

You can never escape your family. You might try, but often the family relationship is a crucible. A child wanting to leave home is in a crucible in the same way that a father who must pay child-support is in a crucible. Any two people who are married are in a crucible, as are any two people who happen to just be in love.

I recall a fine western when I was young about two heroic cowboys who are both in love with the same woman. They are forced to band together to rescue her from a kidnapper. The men hate each other, and as the audience gets to know each man better, they both come to vie for our affections.

Soldiers in a squadron will find themselves in a crucible. For example, in The Lord of the Rings, those who had joined the Fellowship were thrust into a crucible—a small band of men forced to band together for their own protection.  It may be that your character finds himself fighting beside someone he detests—a murderer or a rapist—and yet he is unable to walk away from the conflict.

A crucible may also be your conflict with your culture. We’ve probably all known various folks—Catholics, Jews, Muslims, etc., who try to leave their religion behind but can never stop talking about it. But it doesn’t have to be your religious culture. My father ran away from the Blue Ridge Mountains to escape the hillbilly lifestyle. I had a girlfriend who left her fine home in Southern California because she despised her family’s wealth. In the movie My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, we have a girl whose main conflict comes about when she is embarrassed by her ethnic roots.

Crucibles of Condition

An intolerable condition may also be a crucible—such as an illness that two very different characters may join forces to beat. We see this type of crucible used every week as Doctor House tries to solve the latest medical mystery. But you can also set your characters up to fight an economic or political condition—the hunger in India, the tribalism of North Africa.

The condition might be something as mundane as crime in the streets. Policemen who despise one another are often found joining forces to fight drug lords, rapists, and other types of crime.

So as you form your story, consider how you might strengthen your conflicts by developing one or more crucibles.

To learn about the rest of Dave’s plotting tools, or how to write for a wide audience, you’ll have to check out his book HERE.

Some reviews it’s received so far:

“Mr Farland didn't write a book about outlines; at least not only outlines. This book shows you how to write a book, story, and screenplay from blank page to your first million. I can only imagine better instruction from Mr Farland in person, and plan to take one of his workshops based on the strength of this work alone.”

—Big Nate, Amazon

“Actually, I have a book on novel outlining which has like 5 stars ratings. It is way boring. I just couldn't get through it. So when I learned David had written a book on outlining, I knew he could do the topic justice...and make it interesting. . . . Since David wrote this, I KNEW he had something UNIQUE to teach, that is, his viewpoint, his experience and his SYSTEM. Plus, I knew his conversational, no fluff way of writing/teaching would drive me, compelling me to devour it. And it does.”

—C. Jack

Can you think of any more examples of crucibles? Can you see a way to strengthen your own story by adding a crucible? Leave a comment and let us know!

Valentine Chocolate Giveaway

Pink Think: "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." - Charles M. Schulz 

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm doing a giveaway of Sibu Beauty chocolate truffles! *** Congratulations to our winner, Ally from her cutely-named blog A Pile of Penguins!

Our giveway sponsor is Sibu Beauty. It's a Utah-based company known for its skin care line, and who has just added chocolate truffles to their products. The Omega 7 oil found in its main ingredient, sea buckthorn berry oil, provides key building blocks for skin, nails, and hair. Be sure to check out Sibu Beauty's blog, Facebook page, on Twitter, and on Pinterest.

They sent me a sample of their dark mint and milk orange chocolate truffles, and I loved it from the very first bite! My fave was the milk orange kind...it's got a hint of citrus, with a rich, Belgian chocolate flavor.

So here's how you can enter. On this blog or on Facebook, answer this question by Valentine's Day:

What is your favorite love song?

(By answering, you'll be helping me figure out a playlist for our upcoming Valentine's Day Sweetheart Ball!)

Get an extra entry for following my blog. Must be a US/Canada resident. Winner cannot have won a previous Sibu giveaway. Good luck!

Disclosure: Thanks to Sibu Beauty for providing this giveaway and for letting me sample their delicious chocolate truffles!

Knock Knock

Pink Think: "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." - Alexander Graham Bell

Ay caramba. I once said adios to fiction writing, but here it is, knocking at my door again. Too many things conspiring:

1. A feature on a self-published illustrator in our local paper.

2. Re-reading a novel I have on my hard drive and deciding, "Hey, not bad."

3. Running into a friend at the post office. I explained that I now help people write memoirs, and I'd written mine. He said, "If you ever have it for sale, let me know, we'd be interested." (So...that's not exactly related to my fiction work, but the fact that someone said they'd read something I've written just because they read me in the paper made me feel hopeful.)

4. Meeting a friend for lunch today, and her saying, it's okay for me to self-publish my novels.

Not that I'm asking anyone's permission, mind you.

I wish I could grow out of this phase forever, because this going back and forth is messing up my head. Meanwhile, I have "cover" writerly jobs that I can refer to instead of "novelist aspiring to be published" when people ask me what it is I do.

Turning the invisible into the visible

Pink Think: "Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible."- Tony Robbins

I was visiting my dad yesterday and he asked me what were some of my personal goals for this year. Which was very timely and omen-ish because I was thinking that same thing the other day.

In the last year, I started a memoir writing business, Treasured Stories. I have a lot of to-dos associated with this venture, and some achieved goals (like get clients and produce a client book!), but I hadn't actually sat down to assess "What next?" And then since I pretty much have taken a hiatus (I love that word, it makes me think of hibiscus) from fiction writing, it seems that I don't have any epic projects of late.

Truth is, I don't exactly feel challenged. Every story is a fun project for me, don't get me wrong. But I'm not feeling stretched. Plus, when I don't have a goal list, I'm not sure what I can be doing next. This year, like my friend Alice Beesley, I have chosen the following goals:

1. Get 4 new quality Treasured Stories clients. This gives me a goal every season of ramping up my marketing and signing up a client. This means I can tweak my marketing campaign and keep it fresh. It's been an instructive period, learning the difference between an interested prospect, and a prospect who is likely to hire me. I want more of the latter.

2. Help my daughter put on another successful Sweetheart Ball. This isn't exactly my personal goal, because my 17 year old daughter is pretty much doing a lot of the work to make this Valentine's Day event successful. But I am mentoring her. And I hope she is learning a lot of skills that will help her in the future in other endeavors. We started this event last year to help my son earn money to go to Washington DC, and it was so fun, we decided to do it again. This time, my daughter is doing it as a fundraiser for a Fiji service trip. How do I define "successful"? Raise enough money to get her to Fiji ($3,000) and make sure that our guests have a fabulous time!

3. Update my blogs weekly. It's like writing in your journal. The longer you go not writing in it, the harder it is, the lamer the entries. On this blog, I will write about what I've learned from the past week on the following topics: journalism, fiction writing, small business or marketing. On my Treasured Stories blog, I will write about memoir writing tips and real-life experiences.

4. Go to Zumba weekly. I've been dying to do this for a while now. I love dancing and I need the exercise, so this is perfect for me. But I haven't gone yet. And then a friend of mine called me last week to invite me. I wasn't able to go, but it made me put it in my planner and the calendar. So now, no more excuses. I also read about Denise Austin in the Sunday insert. At 50, she looks fantastic, and she inspired me to exercise when I was trying to shed post-baby fat. By doing Zumba on Mondays, it will get my week off on a good start.

5. Read my scriptures daily. I want more divine inspiration to lead me through this year. I know I can't do it all on my own.

6. Visit my parents weekly and record my parents' stories. With my dad's ailing health, I feel an urgency to record his stories. My mom's, too.

7. Sing at more venues. I'm already singing at a care center once a month. So I decided I'll do it with regularity, too, at a Senior Center. And then in March, I will have the opportunity to sing at a local event. Singing is my fun, creative outlet, and if I can brighten other people's day while I'm at it, all the better. My repertoire is "Musical Memories" - songs from the 30s through the 60s. I don't know what I'm doing in the 21st century, because I love, love the songs that my dad sang to me while I was growing up.

8.Finish a novel. And then when I am done with it, I will have it edited and either self-publish, or query an agent.

9. Eat healthier. That means no seconds unless I'm really still hungry. No mindless snacking. And a minimum of the greasy stuff. My 17 year old, who is a healthy eater, is my inspiration.

I'm excited to s-t-r-e-t-c-h this year. I'm feeling more energized and have a sense of purpose. Thank you, Alice, for the motivation!

***

How about you, what will you be working on this year?

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Pink Think: "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, goodwill toward all men." - Luke 2:14

Guido Reni [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons